I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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