Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
