i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall