i just had sex bonerless
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller