capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
