I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
