We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
