I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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