i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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