just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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