I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
