Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
