i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
