checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
false alarm, still single
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
