ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I have post one night stand depression
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
