and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
