Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
