I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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