Im at strip club and am horny
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
