So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
