we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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