Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
