The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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