I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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