do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
