I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
