official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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