I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
