yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
