And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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