it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
