maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I need to calm my uterus...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
