I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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