i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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