the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
