She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
