He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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