so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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