You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
