This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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