rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
