I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
