...so i touched it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
