Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
