shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
