i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
