I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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