U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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