well I can't set my house on fire every night
one might say we're banned from that church
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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