The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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