When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
