Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
