omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
