I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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