I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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