I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
