Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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