Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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