Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Your cock deserves a montage
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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