her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
