I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
