Just fell off a train. Bad.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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