how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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