The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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