Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
