eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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