I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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