I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
