So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
