Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
