now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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