just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
