i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
