I heard we made out
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Too much gin, very little bucket
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
