More tranny stories later!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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