I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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