so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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