I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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