That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
